It’s been too long

I haven’t written a blog since I don’t know when. At the time of stepping away, I claimed it was because I had said pretty much everything I had wanted to say about education, being a headteacher, school leadership, curriculum, policy, blah blah blah… There really wasn’t anything else I felt I could add to the conversation that hadn’t already been said. And by ‘conversation’, I mean the usual discourse about corridors and well-being. When scrolling through my Twitter timeline, I would occasionally get the itch and consider wading back into the mud via a meticulously crafted, or hastily tossed off, blog. But seriously, what would be the point? Especially as my school doesn’t actually have any corridors and, as my staff can attest to, I really don’t care about well-being.

But some people doubted my reasons for stepping away. Some people said I simply wasn’t prepared to move with the times. Everything was changing, you see. Blogs were no longer in vogue. You gotta write a book, man. They would shout at me. Define your brand. Get a hook. Get a hook and write a book!

I tried. Some of the early drafts were titled… leading from the heart… leading from the head… leading from the kidneys… the long-distance leader… the brit-pop leader… SOS leadership… from RI to RI in three miserable years…101 lessons my leadership can teach you although be warned some of them I only made up for the word count and most of them you definitely won’t need… but none of them made the final edit.

People said I should go more social media. Try filming cutesy but GDPR questionable videos inside my own school to build up a following on Instagram or TikTok. But in trying to reset the filter that made me look like a yawning cat I accidently deleted my account. I tried my hand at podcasts. I did that. Each episode took approximately twenty-seven hours to create and was listened to by three people and two of them were me on different devices.

Just leave me be, I said. Let me fade away into the background. I’m a scroller not a tweeter. Anyway, pretty soon this place will be called X and you won’t be able to find my (or anybody else’s) posts amongst the swamp of extreme rhetoric, clickbait and adverts for potato peelers which are also scarves.

But you’re @theprimaryhead they screamed. You’re somebody. You’ve attended meetings with the DfE, Ofsted… Liz Truss for god’s sake! All because of the things you tweeted and the blogs you wrote. One of your ECTs even said that you had been mentioned in one of their PGCE lectures about how headteachers were harnessing the power of social media. You’re the original, the best. You’re going places, man. Don’t you want to ride that wave all the way in?

All those amazing things you say online, they don’t just have to be ‘your’ truth, you know. They could be the truth. Look, you might not have read the Ofsted framework for a while, but a school’s overall effectiveness is now measured by the headteacher’s social media output.

Forget the actual quality of teaching in the classrooms, just look at the unhinged levels of fun on people’s faces and the sheer volume of noise during the assembly videos you post. Ignore the negative staff surveys about what it is like to work in your school, just look at that photo you posted of the staff night out – they’re having fun, right? Pay no attention to the ParentView comments about how they can never arrange a meeting with you and just look at the handwritten cards you share on Instagram from genuine pupils that definitely still attend the school that say how great you were are. Don’t concern yourself about the dip in SATs results, just remember to add your newsletter –  the one with the inspirational comments you found online about what real achievement looks like – to your Facebook feed for everyone to see. And remember, don’t let anyone read that AI generated school development plan you just made, just show them the selfie of you waving a copy of it around the place whilst listening to vinyl in the garden. Oh, and don’t forget to post the video of your pupils attending the Queen’s funeral on TikTok and make sure people share it because that took 15 attempts before the kids looked solemn enough.

Man, wouldn’t that beat working for a living? And perhaps, if you really dedicate your time to posting funny, moving, inspiring things that almost, sort of, never actually happen unless you manufacture them, one of those big flashy CEOs on X will notice you and DM you a job offer. And remember, if the phone rings and it’s GB News, put on your populist hat – the one you would never actually consider wearing in the real world –  and answer the call.

Pretty soon you’ll really start to believe your own hype and then you’ll be unstoppable. You’ll probably get outstanding from Ofsted. You’ll probably win loads of awards – although you will have to remember to nominate yourself for them first – and then everyone in school will think you’re really cool especially that new NQT. And then you can ask her out by sending her hundreds of unsolicited messages online. Of course, then you’ll get arrested which will take forever because you’ll just fall to the floor and shriek about George Floyd and then you’ll go to court and be found guilty of harassment and of abusing your power and then you’ll probably go to prison and never be allowed in the classroom again which is really unfair especially as you used to be really big on Twitter.

I put my finger on their lips: Sshhhhhh. And I tell them that I’m not interested. I tell them that, like children generally, a headteacher online should be seen and not heard. I tell them that the job is too important for me to be wasting my time online. They look sceptical. I rephrase. The job is too exhausting for me to be wasting my time online. They look even more sceptical. I dig deep.

Look, I used to say that I quit blogging and faded away on Twitter because I had concluded that not only had I run out of things to say but also that none of it mattered. It was all self-censored nonsense with a dash of presumed wisdom here, a sprinkle of humour there and all served with a pinch of contrived humility and, let’s be candid, an occasional whiff of narcissism. Hopefully people would see that it was designed to entertain more than it was to educate. Anything written or shared online certainly shouldn’t be taken more seriously than your conduct and performance at work.

But somewhere along the way, a line got crossed. And a few people began to think that a high-profile online presence was the key to success. There is nothing sadder and more pathetic than someone who believes their own hype or who distorts their reality and posts it online in the hope that relative strangers buy into it.

I used to say that none of it matters. But, as we have seen with a lot of online behaviour and rhetoric recently, of course it matters. It matters to the school community when a leader spends more time curating an online profile than tending to their real-life school. It matters to the staff when they see their leader presenting an alternative version of life in school to the one that they live every day. It matters to other leaders when they can see their own profession being brought into disrepute by click baiting headteachers desperately trying to bag a headline. And it matters to any individual who has to suffer the unwarranted attention and harassment of a self-deluded leader abusing their power whilst tweeting in plain sight.    

Hmmmm…

Still sceptical? OK, I’ll leave you with this.

The greatest trick the headteacher on Twitter ever pulled was convincing the world that they mattered.

And like that… I was gone.

I’m going out for a while… I may be some time

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I think the time has come to move on.

I’ve been @ThePrimaryHeading on Twitter since 2012. Generally, Twitter has been good for me. I’ve interacted with some fine folk, avoided a few more and learnt that the only way to really enjoy a TwitterStorm is from the outside looking in.

I genuinely feel Twitter professionally developed me which, as a new headteacher, I welcomed. It is still a great place to dive into if you wish to explore the world beyond your own echo chamber. Twitter also helped me promote my blog to a wider audience – something I was passionate about for a few years, but now…meh!

Recently though, my feelings about Twitter have changed. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be one of those blogs where I carp on about the ‘dark side’ of Twitter. It’s the internet, people, not the wonderful world of Oz. I just can’t be bothered. I haven’t had my feelings hurt. I don’t consider myself a victim. I haven’t been shamed into silence. It’s just… I feel like I’ve seen it all.

There are only so many gifs, hashtags and selfies that a man can take. I feel like if I see one more picture of a book one of you is reading, or card that you received from a kid, or ironic twitter poll that hilariously skews the educational debate of the day, I am liable to throw my phone out of the window and, at present, I really can’t afford a new phone.

Oh, the irony! The smug anonymous Head Tweeter who has bounced around Twitter with his hilarious quips about modern educational life, is now sick of his own medicine. I know, funny ain’t it?

But the truth is, I’m bored. I’m bored of everything. The endless debates that go nowhere. The faux outrage – I’m even a bit bored of the real outrage! But more than that, I’m bored of @theprimaryhead and his predictable timeline. And I’ve tried following different people but those damn twitter algorithms, they do not want to support a man who’s trying to spice up his timeline.

So…

Well, here’s the kicker… I’m not actually leaving.

Surprise!

Despite what you all thought when you started reading this, I’m not going to deactivate my account. I’ve got over 15k beautiful followers you idiots, you think I’m going to throw that away? Not a chance. Especially when I’ve got more @brainEDcomedy to promote*.

But I’m going to start afresh somewhere else. I’m going to set up a new Twitter account, just like I did in 2012. I’m going to build it up from scratch and see where it takes me. I might cast my net a bit wider – goodness knows we all need 14% more diversity than we think is good for us in our lives.

Maybe we’ll end up following each other. Maybe we won’t. Maybe you won’t engage as readily with me when I don’t have all that follower capital backing up my legitimacy. Maybe we’ll even get into an argument, won’t that be fun?

I hope so. Maybe, one day I’ll come back to this old blog and tell tales of my adventures.

In the meantime… tweet you later!

*Seriously people, please follow, listen to and subscribe to @brainEDcomedy. We haven’t put anything out for a while but we will do soon and you’re going to love it!

Important Curriculum Memo

Memo: From Head Office

RE: Curriculum

Salutations,

As an organisation we’ve always prided ourselves on being ahead of the curve, and by ‘curve’ we mean twitter and by ‘ahead’ we mean stumbled across a blog. So, it will be of no surprise to many of you that we have recently decided to take an interest in curriculum.

For too long we have ignored the wider curriculum; unless of course an inspection was going well and we had nothing else to talk about, or an inspection was going badly and we thought it would be fun to stick the boot in. And, as schools seem to be getting the hang of securing higher and higher standards (off-rolling the thickies), managing challenging behaviour (off-rolling the poor) and meeting children’s needs (off-rolling the specials) we thought now would be a good time to give them something else to worry about.

We were going to choose research. That seems quite popular at the moment. You can’t hardly move without some thought-gibbon promoting their latest research discovery – apparently noticing stuff you like in your own classroom qualifies as robust research nowadays. But, given the surge in books being written by anyone who has once taken a register, we thought better of it.

Then we thought we could focus on work-life balance. This is a thing, apparently. Honestly, teachers nowadays. I remember when PPA was the time it took your pupils to down a milk and have a nap in the afternoon.

No, the thing to focus on is the one thing schools haven’t thought about for years: curriculum. For those new to us, curriculum is the thing that happens in schools after maths and English, in between PE and home time. It should be the bedrock of a pupil’s time at school, where children learn everything, and I mean EVERYTHING…to do with Henry VIII, photosynthesis and the war.

Now, the moment we leaked the possibility we’d finally be giving a Farage & Johnson* about what schools are teaching children, the education world went into meltdown. As predicted, we saw three types of reaction:

  1. Our school has spent the last five years establishing a well-defined and carefully implemented schema based on a deep analysis of our school community and the needs of our children.
  2. Our school has just bought a curriculum that promises to be a well-defined and carefully implemented schema which also comes with its own homework app.
  3. What the hell is a schema?

In order to support schools with their curriculum design it is important that, as an organisation, we have a clear and consistent line about what it is we expect to see in schools. We must be transparent and offer schools a consistent and easy-to-understand message that cannot be misinterpreted or misconstrued. To do this we will use words. Three of them to be precise: Intent, Implementation and Impact. These three words – Intent, Implementation and Impair – will help guide schools and make it clear what we want to see. In no way could these three words – Iguana, Icarus and Imbecile – be given to misinterpretation or confusion.

Already, we have seen schools make leaps and bounds with their curriculum design, but there are a few pitfalls that we need to be aware of. The first is Artificial Symbiotic Schema (ASS). A curriculum with a hefty ASS is one that is likely to contain a range of links and curriculum call-backs that are dafter than a DfE pledge to increase school funding. In short, the more convoluted the links (We learn about the madness of King George III in Year 5 which links back to our work in Year 1 on identifying nut trees) the bigger the ASS the school will make of itself when we come to visit.

With that in mind, please remember that we do not expect schools to have their curriculum ready by the beginning of next year. No, that would be ridiculous. Any outstanding school has an infinite number of years to get their curriculum in order, any good school should seek to have their curriculum ready within the next four years, and RI schools must have a brand new curriculum in place within the next half an hour. Inadequate schools don’t deserve a new curriculum so just continue giving them hell as per.

That concludes this memo. I have condensed all the key points into a knowledge organiser (word bank) for you to memorise before lining your cat litter tray with it. I’ll also be uploading a vlog, where I will be jogging through my local high street whilst recording my sweaty face speaking confidently to you about everything I believe to be right.

What a time to be alive.

*two sh*ts